September 23, 2009

What not to say at the first date?

Ladies, listen to my advice: no matter how many dates you have had and no matter how clever you are, you can still be the victim of these 5 mistakes at the first date!

1. To talk about your ex boyfriend (each time)

Your potential new boyfriend doesn't want to imagine that someone else than him was next to you. Whatever you do, it's not good: if you start saying good things about your ex, it will seem that you haven't forgotten him yet and if you say bad things about him, you will seem rude.

So even in the most tempting situations (for example- when your current partner meets your ex), avoid telling stories from your former love life.

2. Talking about religion and politics

Avoid starting a conversation on these topics, unless you are both interested in debating such issues. Don't do it even if you're 100% sure that he has the same beliefs as you. You can never know what preferences he has. Of course, there are some interesting and exciting ideas that can help you know better one another; but you should use them only if the conversation comes from itself, without changing the natural direction of things.

3. Talking continuously on the same topic

An evening in which you talk only about your career won't impress him. The same is available for topics like your childhood, friends and free time. Be careful to change the topics of conversation, in order not to be boring.

4. Not choosing the right place for a date

The first date should be in a place that allows a conversation and not places that are addressed to other activities, such as dancing or concerts. After all, how much can you talk? It's unpleasant if you run out of topics ... If so, you can go anytime somewhere else.

5. Sex

The general rule states that you shouldn't have sex at the first date and not to say anything about the number of your sexual partners from the past. Even if things seem all right, it's better to avoid breaking this rule. It's no hurry! I know, maybe you'll say that it's better to enjoy the moment and to let things go from themselves, naturally. But I really think that a first date offers much more interesting things to do! Moreover, it's the perfect occasion to find out more about the other, without being influenced emotionally.

When are Men falling in love?

Perhaps this is one of the biggest questions that bother us once we start a relationship. When do we say: 'I love you?' Most times, in the case of both men and women, the feeling appears long time before being expressed. This is because men need to be sure that their feelings are shared by the woman next to them.

We are used to blame men, to accuse them of being available only for love affairs and complain on women forums that there aren't any serious men. The truth is that over 75% of men believe in the existence of a soul mate and if you ask them to choose between the great love of their lives and six months of wild sex, more than 90% will choose love.

Men also need love

Men also need love, loyalty and sexual chemistry. They want to have someone next to them who cares about them and helps them when they need.

Recently I have had a conversation with a friend about relationships versus celibacy. He believes that it is better to be coupled than single, that people are often wrong when they give up a relationship hoping that the next one will be more pleasant; many times, their expectations are wrong. A relationship, even it is not perfect, should be kept, because there is a pretty big chance to be the best relationship you'll ever have, just as it is. Because it's always better to be involved with someone than being single. Does this man seem one who searches only for sexual affairs?

And he is not the only man who thinks this way. Maybe men are not as cynical as we expect. They, why we hear so often that women are those who involve the most into a relationship and who take it to a form of stability while men must be always pushed from the back?

Men are the first who say: 'I love you'

Maybe you didn't know, but more than a half of men declare that usually, they are the first who say: 'I love you' and that, in general, women are the first who discuss about the involvement into a more serious stage of a relationship. What can we deduce from here? That, in fact, men expects some sort of guarantee that their feelings are shared, before making this first step, to express their feelings.

Men are also afraid of rejection

Men and women are equally afraid of rejection, and maybe women should support better the idea of being hurt- they do it every day. Does this surprise you? Think about: who seduces who, who releases the invitation for going out, who calls first, who kisses first, who tells first 'I love you'? Mostly men. And before he gets in touch with a woman, how many other women rejected him before? You would be surprised, but even Johnny Depp has a list of rejections which doesn't makes him feel more man.

But how can you make him feel safe in order to express the magic words? Well, let him know that you're interested in his person, not in his lifestyle. Tell him that you enjoy sharing your time with him, make him a compliment, tell him that he has everything you wish from a man, ask what makes him happy, and make him understand that your relationship has something special. A woman must suggest to a man that he can do the next step, without making him feel that he is forced to do it.

September 20, 2009

The foreplay: 10 mistakes to avoid

by Andra Picincu

If the act of love would be reduced only to a simple sexual contact, it would be very boring! The foreplay offers a wide range of pleasures, making the difference between a simple love affair and a romantic relationship. Here are the most common mistakes that occur when it comes about the game of love:

1. To believe that the foreplay is optional

The foreplay is required! Without it, we can not make love. It is a must when it comes about sexual stimulation. There are cases when the foreplay takes place in the partners mind, as the brain is the origin of all pleasures, and the simple fact of thinking about your body next to your lover's body can be a powerful stimulant. This type of prelude is practiced in case of fast sex.

2. The very fast foreplay

It is often the great deception of women. Women need time to prepare their body for pleasure. The foreplay doesn't mean only caresses, but also a kiss; kiss each other all over your bodies.

3. Focusing only on sexual areas

The foreplay has a maximum effect if the partners are a little frustrated. Therefore, it isn't good to focus your attention only on the sexual areas; it's better to make small steps to the supreme pleasure.

4. To believe that men do not need foreplay

It's true, women need more, but men also depend on the foreplay to achieve a quality erection and to avoid premature ejaculation. The prelude allows the partners to achieve an intense sexual stimulation.

5. To put pressure on your partner

It is a very frequent mistake of women. He's not the only one who has to take care of you. The best is to be you the first who stimulates him, in order for him to get an erection and to be able to focus on you.

6. To limit the prelude only to a kiss

The kiss is considered by many as being the same as the foreplay. It is a monumental mistake, since we’re speaking about long term relationships. You have to be there for real, to feel your partner every time you touch him, to see him through the eyes of your mind.

7. The lack of knowledge regarding the tertiary erogenous areas

The primary erogenous areas are usually stimulated sexually; the secondary ones are the surroundings and the breasts. But what are the tertiary areas? It’s about body areas with no sexual connotation, but, which, if they are stimulated, increase the sexual excitation. Here are some sensitive areas: behind the knees and elbows, on the face, on the abdomen, on the back.

8. Reducing the prelude to gestures

Caresses, massages, kisses- all these are part of the foreplay. But the sense of touch is just one of the 5 senses we have. The words, the smell, the image of the other who strips in front of you, sharing sensual ideas- are things that increase the libido.

9. To consider the foreplay as being a duty

If the prelude becomes a "conjugal duty", it loses its charm. The art of prelude is the art of having fun. Play together to increase the erotic tension: it is not important to win (to reach the orgasm); what matters is to join the game and to have fun.

10. To offer what you want to receive

The most generous mistake is to caress the other in the way in which you like to be caressed; Of course, the intention is good, but we’re not all alike. Pay attention to the way in which the other touches you, in order to know what he likes. It is mutual, of course.

September 18, 2009

What does he see when you get naked?

We mirror into the eyes of those who we love. Sometimes, we do it when we are in loved, other times with the fears of the woman who is afraid not to loose. Discover which are the biggest concerns of women, how the loved man truly sees you and what are the best exercises to accept your own image and to become more self confident!

A look in the mirror, naked, in the harsh light of the morning can make every woman to find dozens of defects, more or less real. The truth is that we spend too much time of our life trying to hide these defects, to cover them and not to let anyone to suspect them.

Concealer, push up bra, special body lingerie- all those and many others represent the list of things used by women in these purposes, to hide the defects in order to seem even more beautiful.

The moment of truth comes when you get all these off in front of the man you like; a state of good, which makes you feel confident in your charms reflects on all aspects of your life, from the sentimental life to social life and to the professional one.

Often, women are too exigent with themselves, trying to perceive their own body as a man would do. It is wrong, because a man who is truly interested in a woman will never look at her in this way; and if he does, it means not only that he doesn't love her, but also that he searches for reasons to motivate his lack of feelings. A woman (and not only) is not loved for the perfection of her forms, but for something totally different; If what is on the outside is beautiful, than it is fine, but it doesn't represent everything.

Through his eyes

Women feel beautiful and attractive when they are loved. But the greatest fear of rejection comes from the man they love. Women know that the man next to them maybe has seen more beautiful naked women and they can not stop the things that make them become insecure and even inhibited.

Yes, men find defects, as women do, but these are not so important for them. Some men don't want to be anymore with their partners because those women gained weight, have more and more wrinkles and so on. These explanations are absolutely stupid, being related to the affective immaturity of that man (and not only). This is not a reason for him to leave his woman, but a pretext.

When a man loves, when he chooses to be next to a woman, all the small physical defects of the partner are ignored. We notice them for sure, as they notice ours; but we begin to love those small defects as they are part of the person we love.

A man who finds such pretexts is not able (or was not in that relationship) to love for real and maybe it's better if the relationship ends.

Women are vulnerable when they allow being vulnerable or when they choose to be vulnerable, because their fears belong to them, not to the men in front of who they get naked; they allow to think instead of that man. There are very beautiful women who are obsessed by the existence of minor or imaginary defects, which they amplify, creating true obsessions. But this issue is related to pathology.

Certainly, there are people who don't have physical complexes, as there are persons who have a wrong perception on their own body. We, the rest of women, have moments when we are pleased by our bodies and moments when we don't like to watch too long in the mirror. We are those who should help ourselves to become more self confident, starting by feeling good with our own body.

Practical: self-evaluation exercise

First, women should have a realistic evaluation of their own bodies. The objectivity of evaluation is not about saying "Oh, I look so awful!", but in noticing what are their strengths and weaknesses, their vulnerabilities. The weaknesses mustn't be established depending on the standards used by mannequins, but only depending on the body's harmony and a personal reference (for example, on a certain time when they used to like the way they were looking).

Strengths - beautiful eyes, arched eyebrows, full lips, beautiful shinny hair, beautiful hands, fine nails, firm breasts (not small or big, because it's not relevant), thin ankles;

Weaknesses: not very firm arms, acne, some extra weight, poor depilation, a not very good realized manicure.

Women should mention real defects, not structural- what's the point to cry every day that their breasts are too small or too big if they will never be able to change this? It is nonsense. It must be mentioned only the things that can be changed.

Further, they should read again the list and create a table with the following columns:

1. Vulnerability;

2. What should be done?

3. The best time to start;

4. Deadline;

5. Financial investment;

6. Observations

The list of strengths should be read daily, in order to add the weaknesses from the past that have been fixed. And also, each woman should repeat daily that if she considers herself being beautiful and loved, than the other will do it also. Maybe it is autosuggestion, it doesn't matter; it is important that they will be less anxious and more open to an effective communication with the partner. In fact, this is the key of a happy relationship.

No matter how good you look, you can have fears related to your body. It is important to get over them. And the answer to the question of the title should be: "He sees the woman he desires!"

The 10 Commandments of Giacomo Casanova

Revealing Casanova’s Secrets

Why some men have an extremely success to women? Casanova knows!

In 73 years of life, he made love with 132 women, including noblewomen, actresses, dancers, chambermaids, Greek slaves, five sisters and their mother, a transvestite, a hunchback, a nymphomaniac and some nuns! Unlike the fictitious Don Juan, Giacomo Casanova was not a sexual predator. He was in loved with most of the women he had and his purpose was to satisfy them.

If you don't have enough time to read all the 12 Casanova's autobiographical volumes, you have to find out at least the 10 Commandments that made him so special for over 200 years!

1. In order to make a woman feel special, do something special

When you want to impress a woman, do not ever say: "So ... what do you want to do now?" A real Casanova has always a plan; he doesn't hesitate and knows what the next step is. In this way, the woman gains trust in him and lets herself dominated with pleasure. In order to seduce a woman, as the old conqueror was saying, imagine that you must ask her to be your wife and organize the evening as you think best (except for the ring).

2. The privacy is sexy

A flattered woman is almost conquered. And nothing flatters more a woman than the moment she feels that she captured the entire attention of a man. If you invite her out, there's no sense to share the evening with other friends. Go with her somewhere away from the noise, from other couples, from everything that could distract her attention. A woman is herself only in privacy.

3. Let her feel fascinated by the fact're fascinated by her

Casanova was inviting women in rooms full of light and mirrors so that they enjoy their image from all angles possible. Also, a woman feels sexier when she looks in a mirror. If there are no mirrors, than you must become yourself a mirror in which she can admire herself. What do you mean? It means that you should show her what her effect on you is: smile her from time to time, pay attention to her and don't ask to her questions (make her think that you can't hear her because of her fascination). If the girl is nice, don't say that to her, because everybody tells her that. Say her that she's intelligent and you'll be in advantage.

4. Ask her what she is thinking about

Show her that your interest for her is deeper than the appearance. That she is not just an ornament. When you perceive a woman as a simple object, you have the tendency to focus more on yourself and then you're not a Casanova. Seducing a woman took many hours for Casanova, time in which he knew what to ask and how to listen. The reason why women found Casanova as being fascinating was the fact that he considered them fascinating! It's easy to make a woman speak about herself. You just have to ask questions with an open-end and then shut up. The old conqueror was touching first the soul of a woman before daring to touch anything else.

5. Don't grudge now!

If she accepted to go out with you, don't count your pennies in front of her. Exaggerate with your attention. These exaggerations consist in small, but important details: caviar, an expensive present at the first date, the most expensive champagne from the menu. Once she accepted them, she will accept the others (from the bedroom). It's enough to make her fall into sin a little (by a sumptuous dinner, for example), as she will fall into sin again.

6. Pay attention to her senses

Casanova was using aphrodisiacs. He was perfuming the room with tuberose because it was believed that this flower stimulates the sexual appetite and he was also serving oysters and champagne. He was making her talk- don't forget that any woman enjoys the music of her own voice- and, from time to time, he was touching her slightly to remember her of his presence...

So, pay attention to the 5 senses of the woman next to you. Each of them has a small engine that you have to warm.

7. Be patient!

Although Casanova was excited by women who weren't wearing a corset, but only a lance shirt, he wasn't impatient. He thought that if you taste the pleasure too soon, you can't taste it entirely. So you must know that the foreplay does not start with 60 seconds before the sexual act and it not even starts in the bedroom. It begins from the first moment of the date.

8. Play!

The food and drinks ordered by Casanova were mostly sexual hints: oysters, soft cheese, ripped, juicy fruits, sparkling wines. One reason was that he was enjoying seeing a woman eating this kind of food. Another reason was that he was excited by the entire game. When a slippery oyster was falling in her d├ęcolletage, he was offering himself to take it from there. Casanova knew that sex is not a serious thing, but a game for adults. So, when you ask her out to eat something, remember that the foreplay has already started, Eat both one from the other's hand, drink from the same glass...

9. Be spontaneous!

Casanova was patient, but he wasn't loosing any occasion. When a woman offers herself to you, forget about all the other Commandments and enjoy your luck.

10. Offer her sexy gifts

Casanova was buying to women sexy underwear, giving them a reason to try them. Thus, the game was starting. Don't offer to a woman very serious presents from the start: books, fur coats. It's enough to give her something ethereal, a silk scarf, a sexy bodysuit. Ask her to try the outfit in the bathroom and let her make a fascinating presentation. She will already be excited.

September 15, 2009

Do you want a man or do you need one?

I know many women who complain that they simply can not face another holiday being alone. There are many women like them, of all ages, from 20 years to 60 years. But you see, they don't want a man, they need one; because they need someone who can fill the gap in their lives.

It's a big difference between wanting a man and needing a man.

Why do I say that? The difference is about the type of man you will attract - one who will love you and will make from your happiness a priority, or a man who will put first his own needs and desires. (And who will let you wait).

Men are attracted by women who are not indifferent to the opposite sex, who want a man, without really needing one, and who act according to this.

They also detect (like a camera!) the type of women who need a man, who are frightened by the thought of being alone, who are desperate to have a man in their lives.

What kind of signals do you transmit to men?

If you find yourself in the category of those who need a man, admit it. You don't have to be shame about. Eventually, acceptance is the first step toward change. And starting with this moment, try to develop that self esteem happiness and trust which will attract the men you deserve. Happy women, who love and respect themselves, attract that type of men who will love them, in turn, and who will do all to satisfy them.

How to become one of these women?

For the start, treat yourself like a treasure waiting to be discovered. Talk to yourself as you would talk to the person you love the most. If you feel like saying: 'this always happens only to me', 'I'm so stupid' or 'the destiny wants me to be alone', than stop right now.

Change your words in 'I love myself and I accept my self unconditionally.', 'I'm the best', 'I attract good men, good friends and favorable situations'.

Think, for example, about how would you treat the one you love the most and treat yourself in the same way.

Above all, remember that there will be moments when you will be unsure of yourself, when you won't have all the answers, when you will step into a room full of people and you'll feel afraid. But it's ok, it is very normal.

Love yourself more than anything else

Soon, you'll see how good things and good people will be attracted as a magnet to you.

7 Signs that he won't take you out to a second date

You meet for the first time and he is kind and polite. But his body language offers you clues about how much you attract him. By analyzing his behavior during your first date, you can tell if he will take you out or not to a second date.

1. He doesn't look into your eyes. Even if he is shy, a man who finds you attractive can't take his eyes away from you.

2. He doesn't touch you subtle. If he is attracted by you, he touches delicate your arm, your hand or your back, while you talk or go near one another.

3. He doesn't smile too much. Even he is shy or he has a bad day, if he wants to impress you, he should smile at what you say or laugh when you joke.

4. He doesn't seem interested in you. If a man is interested in you, he asks you about your life, about the things you like, about what you do in your spare time, about what's your favorite music...

5. He doesn't mention anything about a second date between you. If he likes you, he tries to establish a second date or at least to suggest one. Or he can listen to your preferences (film, theatre, music) and invite you.

6. He doesn't accompanies you home or at least to your car. If he is interested in you, he will want to stay as much as possible next to you, from the first minute of your date to the last one.

7. He shakes your hand and says something like: 'It was nice to meet you'. This is what you usually say to a person of who you're not attracted physically and emotionally. On the other hand, kisses on the cheek or a hug are clear signs that he wants to have a more intimate relationship with you.

7 Signs that he wants you back

You broke up some time ago, but your ex boyfriend seems rather desirous to be again with you than to forget about your relationship, In this case, you should make sure that he really wants you back and, if the result is as expected, to act accordingly. Be sure that he will be as delighted with the result as you.

This happened to you also and, if not, it will happen. You pass throw a break up, but you don't want him to forget you and meanwhile you realize that it would be a good idea to be together again.

There are pretty big chances that your ex boyfriend to feel the same, only he's afraid to confess you this. And most times he listens to his pride and fear of being refused, although he would have considerable chances to be with you.

To make sure that your ex feels the same, we prepared you 7 signs that he wants you back. If he meets at least two of these signs, than it's obvious that he hasn't forgot you.

1. Signs from far: he makes everything possible to get around you, either directly or through relatives / friends.

2. Looks and touches: every time when you're together he tries to get closer to you, to touch you or to look at you deeply.

3. Very much time: even if during your relationship your boyfriend was complaining all the time that he doesn't have too much free time, now he has all the time in the world to spend in your company.

4. Style changes: all your demands finally found a resolution. Now he understands that he should pay more attention to his appearance, he gave up that horrible hair color (of which you have complained from the beginning of the relationship) and became the man with whom you'd like to meet.

5. Explanation and efforts: Your ex boyfriend makes sincere efforts to explain you his new projects and asks for your advice constantly, although he wasn't appreciating your opinion in the past.

6. But why? He always brings in discussion your break up and explains you why you ended your relationship and how things could be better.

7. The future sounds good: I don't know why, but he considers you when it comes about all his future plans, although he wasn't doing this at all before ending your relationship.

If these signs are usual in the relationship with your ex...Then maybe you should think twice and forgive him...This is the way men are, more difficult.

6 Truths about couples

Many partners seem to live their lives playing the marriage game. We are by celebrities who joke about the fifth, sixth or the seventh of their marriage. Instead of changing continually their partners in search of a happy relationship, people should learn to manage their conflicts, anger and misunderstandings that are common to all relationships. Unfortunately, the partners start a relationship without having some rules for both sides to face some strong negative feelings, which are also an inevitable part of relationships.

1. Each relationship has its own reserve of hope

Studies show that the most destructive quarrels and conflicts start from some good intentions. These good intentions form the basis of a hidden reserve of hope, which helps the partners to create a relationship full of satisfaction.

2. A single shot can cancel 20 moments of gentleness and understanding.

We discovered that it's enough just one major fight to cancel many hours of gentleness offered to the partner. The key: intimate partners must learn how to control the exchange of negative behaviors by finding a way to express their feelings in a constructive manner. The constructive expression of criticism is a problem related to our way of 'showing' ourselves to the others and choosing the best time and place for a conversation.

3. Small changes in you can lead to major changes in the relationship.

We started our research figuring that it will be easy to discover the differences between happy couples and the less lucky ones, and, although it seems that these differences are clear, they are really small and subtle. Most couples who have difficulties believe that to improve things, there must take place extraordinary changes, even a miracle. And because the human nature is as it is, most of us, when facing relationship problems, believe that the partner must do the changes and not us; we don't realize that we don't have control over the partner's behavior.

As a result, we develop a kind of helplessness and a lack of hope about our relationship. We think that if he or she could change, everything would be fine. The problem occurs when we realize that by doing even small changes in us; we can obtain a great effect, as the possible changes make us more optimistic and open to our partners.

Add to your relationship a compliment told to your partner related to the way he looks and reduce ironies from your relationship (ignoring your partner when you're angry).

4. The way in which differences are managed lead to relationship problems and not the differences between partners.

Many people believe that their relationship with the partner has problems because there are differences between him/her and the other. We hear many couples saying: 'We are not compatible; he likes to go out, I like to stay home'. Or: 'she goes early to bed; I'm a guy who stays until up late at night.’ These explanations are a way of motivating why relationships don't work and why the partners are unhappy. But rather than focus on the understandings or misunderstandings of the couple, the partners who want a happy relationship should improve their listening skills.

This has nothing to do with eliminating differences, with forcing a consensus or advising the other. The listening skills, understanding and accepting the differences is the most important. Having a good listener means to have a good friend. In a happy relationship, a partner can count on the other as he counts on a good friend and not on a player or counselor.

5. Men and women fight with different weapons, but suffer the same wounds.

Not only than men and women suffer the same wounds, but they also support them in achieving the same objectives: acceptance, support, affection. When partners try to understand what goes wrong in a relationship they tend to look more at the weapons they use than to the final goals that are much desired by both. When we focused the research on the common goals of men and women in a relationship, we revealed many wrong opinions related to the differences between men and women in a marriage.

Contrary to the conventional opinion that men have 'problems with intimacy' and women tend to over react, men and women differ very little in their desire for intimacy and connection. From a variety of reasons, biological and cultural, men have more difficulties in managing a conflict, and women find hard to stand the emotionally distance. Often, men avoid and run because of the uncomfortable situations related to their marriage and women feel the immediate need to solve any conflict through discussion.

6. The partners need to 'practice' skills of having relationships in order to manage in this area.

6 Signs that he wants to break up with you

Does your boyfriend behave strange in the last time? Look for the 'break up symptoms' and find out if there can be done something about.

We all do this - we get to a point of the relationship where we realize that things don't go well anymore and as we can't do anything about, we wait for the partner to make the first step to a break up. It's easier for us to give signals that something is wrong and as you do this, of course, he has also his own ways by which he wants to announce you indirectly that he won't be there anymore.

1. Of a sudden he's terribly busy and you aren't one of his priorities. And it's not about his over busy job. He just prefers instead of you a video on YouTube, a prolonged discussion on the Messenger, an article from a magazine, all one after another...

2. He doesn't call you anymore during the day to ask you what you're doing. You're the only one who takes the phone and looks for him, while he rejects your call several times because he's too busy and then he forgets to call back.

3. His friends (and family) are increasingly cold- it is one of the clearest signals that things don't go well anymore. He discusses with his friends about your relationship and if it's hard to notice any changes in his attitude, you can search for useful signs in he's friend’s behavior.

4. He doesn't respect his promises. You have to pray to him forever to get help with something or solve a problem. He promises you something and changes his mind in the last moment, because of various reasons, which in other circumstances were completely unimportant.

5. He stops speaking about you as a couple when it comes about future. Of a sudden everything that was 'the next year we'll go, we'll do, we'll have' becomes 'I want to go, I want to buy' and so on. Moreover, he is very unclear regarding any plan that concerns you both, even if it's about a short time. If you start a discussion something that you're going to do together, he answers reluctant: 'we'll see.'

6. He blames you for everything; he turns your words back and acts crazy. It's a very coward technique, but you'd be surprised to find out how many men use it. If he doesn't have enough courage to end up, then he makes the other indirectly to take the final decision. This issue is even more unpleasant as it makes impossible any friendship after the relationship ends. If he starts to forbid you to go out with your friends, if he looks over your shoulder to see who you're talking with on messenger, if he makes jealousy crises, many small and unjustified reproaches, then it's better to give up him as quick as you can.

5 Things you should never say to a single woman

Single women are able to take care of themselves without receiving valuable tips from friends! So, whatever your intentions are, let your friend to handle her relationships on her own.

Here are 5 phrases you should never say to a single woman:

1. Perhaps you're not trying hard enough...

It seems that you're judging her, although you just want to be helpful. You should encourage her to explore new relationships and not to give up her love life as long as she feels comfortable. Don't force her to take decisions she might regret later!

2. You should use more makeup

In this moment, you’re suggesting that it's very easy to find Prince Charming as long as you wear enough makeup to hide your wrinkles. Your friend might feel offended. Basically, you're attacking her identity. Whether she adopts a glamorous style or a natural one, every woman has the right to be herself. Somewhere, there is a man who is attracted by her style, whatever it is. If she behaves differently than usual, then she will meet men who have nothing in common with her.

3. You should go out more!

Your friend will understand that she has no social life. Well, here's something new: single people don’t live in a closet, in fetal position, waiting for a miracle to happen! By the contrary, most of them work, meet their friends to events and go out for dinner. They just haven't met yet their soul mate.

4. You're too demanding!

This phrase emphasizes that someone who is single at this point of his life is not entitled to make choices. It's not nice to say that, if you have some respect for your friend.

5. Take it easy...

This phrase can be translated into: "You're asking too many questions. You will make him run away. You have too many opinions. You work too much." It means that your friend wants too many things and that she risks disturbing her partner by adopting this attitude. Well, if she has a strong personality, than she won't listen to your advice; moreover, she will feel offended by your words, because they are unjustified. Getting involved in a relationship means much more than chatting with the other.

September 13, 2009

How to get his phone number

by Andra Picincu

When it comes about the love of your life, you can never know where and when you will meet HIM. So, when you see a nice guy in the park or at the market, don’t hesitate to make the first step and to invite him out. Obviously, you can't ask him to date you from the first moment, but you can try to get his phone number.

Make him notice you

Do not try to stand out by laughing hysterically, because you will scare him and the first impression is going to be a terrible one. Look at him and smile, and then go to him confidently. Keep your smile and introduce yourself. Start by saying that you noticed that he's having something you want (for example, at the market, you can say that he has a certain product you were looking for).

Start a conversation

Don't ask directly for his phone number, because I don’t think you want to make him believe that you're desperate. Keep talking about the product you asked about. Stop after a few seconds and if he seems to be interested in you, tell him that you would like to continue the conversation in the near future.

The right time

If he reacts positively to your suggestion to continue the discussion another time, ask for his phone number. You can never know, maybe he will call you sooner or later, and that's a good sign. Don't give him all your phone numbers; one it's enough!

Immediately after...

Even if you're inpatient to call him immediately, don't do it. Call him after two days (not more than to days because he can forget about you, but no sooner, because you'll seem desperate). If you are lucky, maybe he will make the first step.

Why men end a relationship

By Andra Picincu

Nothing is more annoying than when your partner leaves you without any explanation.

The time has ended

Maybe you had at least one break up that left you wondering: "What happened?" The guy was next to you, you were next to him and all seemed to lead to a fabulous future. Then, all of a sudden, he left the relationship. So, what went wrong? -Maybe nothing, this is the cruel truth. Here are five completely ridiculous reasons for which your boyfriend ended the relationship.

Women take it seriously when they meet the right men. Men take it seriously with anyone they have a date with, when they are finally ready to get involved. This means that after all the others aspects of life are arranged, whether it's about finishing school, having a car and money, whether it came the moment when friends start to disappear (this is the moment when the man gets married).

But if you meet a guy before reaching this 'magic' stage of his life, it's very likely for him to leave you. He won't get used so fast with a life of responsibilities and explanations.

Men still haven't finished their game

Men are made to reach a higher target. If there is any possibility to improve what they already have, then they will surely do it. Women will perceive them as being unserious.

In addition to their opportunistic tendencies, most guys feel forced to gather as many sexual conquests. None of them will ever experience enough women, because for every woman, the definition of the word 'enough' is different, so there is a change for him to remove you from his personal list just because you didn't reach late enough on it.

Men are fixed on the worst scenario

From the moment you punished him because he has let a wet towel on the bed, he archives every incident in a mental folder called "Evidence for when she will get worse.” Men come back to that folder every time they try to decide keeping the relationship. They blame their friends who went down before them. Many unmarried guys are aware of what could go wrong after. Even if they are crazy about their mate now, they panic that she will want sex only once a month and that she will bother them because of insignificant issues day and night. So they keep in mind certain things that warn about worse times to come.

Men like, but they don't fall in love

It is painful but true. In fact, this is the most likely reason why men end a relationship. Just because a guy likes you very much, it's not a guarantee that he will get involved. And they have an amazing intuition when it comes about figuring out the potential of a woman.

But why men invest time in a relationship that will end sooner or later? They do it because they are able to live now for a while and then move to a "good experience". But when their love mate shows them that she cares about their relationship more than they do, men end the relationship without remorse.

Men are too tied to you

When you just thought that the things that have been said until now were the worst scenario ever, here is something that is very hard to admit: Men protect their feelings, meaning that they are afraid not to be hurt. So if they start feeling that they get in the situation in which they would be destroyed if their partner would leave them, they could hit first.

It sounds crazy, but think about how vulnerable and paranoid you feel when you're crazy about a guy. The same happens to men, but their friends are not so skilled to help them get over a former relationship. Moreover, a man with a broken heart seems weak. That's why men prefer to act like winners before becoming losers. Before being assaulted by pain and humiliation, their best option is to end the relationship.

Are you about to be dumped?

Signs that show that your partner is going to leave you:

- His mobile phone is always off. He might spend the time with someone else than you. Or he just doesn’t want to be available for you.

- He's reluctant when it comes about making plans. If he avoids talking about commitments, than he thinks to break up with you.

- He became acrimonious. The passive-aggressive break up is characteristic to a 'standby' guy. Some men intentionally become acrimonious; in order to be sure that you'll be the one who will initiate the break up.

- He's not 'there' when you have sex. He doesn't want to feel connected to you or he fulfills his needs elsewhere.

Make him fall in love with you!

By Andra Picincu

'How can I make him fall in love with me?' This is one of the questions we ask when we meet someone and when we truly like a person. Far from strategies, preconceived ideas and tips conceived to drive him crazy after he sees you for the first time, the best is to read about the most important features that can make him fall in love with you.

Often we want to attract and seduce a man and perceive this as a challenge, without realizing that it represents more than that. You need more skills and patience to succeed in this endeavor. It certainly worth’s the effort, if you consider a long time project with him. I have a friend who tried for 10 years everything that can pass through the mind of a woman to seduce a man and just when she lost her hope, he dedicated his whole life to her.

Important characteristics

The best option, beyond all your qualities that could attract him, it is to have a strong sense of realism. At the same time it is very important to attract him by making use of the features that characterize you, defining your personality: naturalness, creativity, spontaneity and the ability to avoid routine.

Experts claim that the naturalness implies freshness, regarding both the attitude and the external physical appearance. Imagine the following situation: you seduce the guy you like and it comes inevitably the moment when you sleep together. Even if a part of him was conquered by the person who uses dozens of small female tricks, as we all do, he will wake up in the morning next to 'another' woman, a woman he must like as much as before.

Spontaneity means not to lose your ability to laugh, in these circumstances, when you may be concerned to drive him crazy.

Independent, but without exceeding the limits

Your mother and grandmother's advice always say to try keeping our 'cold blood' and out head on the shoulders even when we are so in love that we feel like floating on small clouds. The best advices are influenced in the first weeks or even at the beginning of the relationship, by the strong desire to be next to him. You have the tendency to see your friends less often, to spend much less time immersed in the problems related to your career and to put on top the date with him or, when it's not practically impossible to be together, the moments when you dream with your eyes open.

This is a sensitive point. The independence is good, but men don't necessarily want this from a woman. He must see that you need him in your life, that you need his presence. The experts sweep away the myth of the independent woman who attracts men unconditionally. The truth is that I really wouldn't like to be next to a man who seems not to need me in any way.

Give him the importance he deserves to receive!

Strictly related to the ability to show him that you need him, but without being perceived as desperate to have a relationship or to seduce him no matter what, is the ability to make him feel that, in those first moments, he's important for you.

You can show him this by respecting him as a person and by showing him that you consider everything related to him: his presence next to you, the things he shares with you, the topics discussed.

Another important thing is to try, without exceeding the limits, that you know the person in front of you. Many times, when we fall in love, we intend to imagine all sorts of things about the person we like: we add him features and feelings that, maybe, he don't have, we imagine that we can 'read' different things in his behavior. We also create an idealized image and too little real about that man.

Get interested in what he likes!

You don't have to become the fan of his favorite football team, to dress only in the colors of his team or to force your cat to wear a neck bell that plays his anthem! It's enough to care about him and to ask about his passions and things that interest him and, eventually, to spend your time next to him and to his 'passion'.

Don't think only about your needs!

If you're desperate to be with someone or marry, you should know that these things are perceived by others. Also, if your past relationship affected you, he will feel this. This warning addresses to those who think they could hide certain facts.

There are many factors that can influence the way in which the relationship between you and the man you want next to you will take place. It's good to understand that you can't control all these factors.

Falling in love is related to the first impressions. If you are not his type of woman, you could be Aphrodite as well, because there is nothing you can do about.

I think you should keep in mind one thing: try to enjoy every moment and to perceive your dates as being something special.

What can destroy a marriage?

By Andra Picincu

Any marriage has problems and divorces are frequent. What are the most common causes that lead to a break up?

In time, studies have shown that there are several predominant causes that lead to relationships break up. With little effort the problems of any couple can be solved, if both partners try to fix some small details. Here are the biggest dangers for a couple:

1. Infidelity

'It was just once...' Temptations are all up. And apologies can be easily found, even if they are never plausible. What you don't know can't hurt you, some could say. In reality, when a third person appears in a relationship, the affair is followed by a long series of lies and, inevitably, by a break up between partners.

2. Jealousy

'He certainly hides something from me!' Even after many years together, the suspicions occur step by step in the couple. You know him, you trust him, but a little precaution is needed. Slowly, the jealousy takes place in your soul: a suspicious smile, a long hair that's hanging on his coat, followed by questions, suspicions, anxiety. You're not sure anymore about his love, you interrogate him, you verify him. Your scenarios reflect the reality, sometimes. Then, you are sorry. But all these affect him, if he's innocent. And one day, he leaves.

3. Passivity

'Doesn't all come from itself?' After a long time of living together, there occurs that routine that everybody complains about. You don't feel the need to make yourself beautiful for him as you were doing at the beginning of your relationship and you don't expect him home with a surprise. He doesn't buy you flowers as he was using to, you even have the feeling that he avoids you sometimes. And each of you postpones doing something about...

4. Selfishness

‘I have so much to do!'
‘It’s not my job to help her in the kitchen! She has done this just fine all the time.' And if he has this attitude, why would you concern to provide him all he needs? Sometimes, we forget about the one next to us, about his wishes and needs. If we always put ourselves first, we'll remain there, but alone.

5. A poor communication

‘I don't need explanations!' When we start a conversation, we already have a conviction about what we'll be the answer of the interlocutor. We perceive his answers as being negative, before even trying to understand them. Finally, we run far away, remaining only with our thoughts. When you're not sure about what your partners tries to say, then ask him. Give him the opportunity to explain and listen to him.

Essential Signs that he's interested in you

By Andra Picincu

It was already demonstrated and documented in numerous studies that the body language is very important, if not vital to identify what really thinks and feel a person. The body language reading can be very efficient for certain areas of activity and especially when it comes about relationships.

There are some very direct signs you can look for, that show the interest or the lack of interest of a person.

He's interested if:

Apparently, the cards are in your favor if the man you put your eyes on offers you a triple look: he looks once, he looks twice and then he keeps the eye contact or smiles you. It's also a good sign if he corrects his body posture with confidence or if he puts his fingers in the pocket, a subconscious gesture used to show you the area of his masculinity.

If he comes to you walking like a fierce male and then, when he starts talking to you, he closes your personal space by creating a place between the two of you- he touches your arm when he speaks- then you don't have to worry about, he's already yours.

He is shy but he's surely interested if he moves up and down his fingers on a glass, expecting for you to confirm what he just said and to discuss about something that you're both interested in.

You can consider that you're one step closer to form a couple with the man of your dreams, even if it's just a night dream, when he uses the "firewall" against the other men. He perceives them as potential competitors. When he does this, he practically moves closer and protects you from the other's curiosity by using his upper part of the body as a shield. He won't look in the room in search of others attractive women, because his attention will be focused totally on you.

He's not interested if:

Men also sent some signs that express his lack of interest in you.

For example, if his look flies away ever time when the door opens, even if you're in the middle of a conversation, it's not a good sign. It means that his interest is only partial and that he keeps his options open, in case an attractive woman appears.

If he asks you a question and when you're about to answer him, he changes the topic, it's better to stop the conversation right there, because he's not so interested in your person as you thought.

Also, if his legs are not directed to you when you're sitting down, he searches unconsciously a way out. Don't give him your phone number if he asks you for it just because the situation requires it. This means that he just wants to be sure he has a date on Saturday night, in case there won't be other options.

Find an excuse and get out, find someone who really wants to know you better. Don't ignore your intuition and be as rational as you can when you read a man's body language and only then start thinking further.

How to be with someone? The secrets of a fulfilled relationship

by Andra Picincu

It is an inherent question considered interesting by many persons. I'll try to detail the most important moments that occur in the life of a couple and the needs we try to replace when we get involved in a relationship.

When you analyze a situation that caused sufferance for a couple, family or even people, there is always a certain tension; there is an inherent issue that appears by itself: it always comes about the best time of the couple, the moments when they met and the time when they were truly together. I think that the analysis of those situations can give us some references about what it means to be with someone. And in these moments occurs a fact: there isn't only a state of happiness, because in the background, the sufferance will be always present.

Being with someone is based on pleasure, but also on deprivation. The idea of deprivation is important in developing a relationship. The attraction for the other and the love for him involve implicitly, the deprivation. This 'lack' doesn't necessarily occur in moments of solitude. Being with someone means that he is already capable to receive this 'lack', to integrate it and understand it. But in order for the other to be able to do this, it's necessary that you feel able to manage the "lack".

The most difficult moments in a relationship, when occurs the inability of both partners to manage this 'lack', are those in which appears a need to continue the existence of the partner in a physical way. The other must be physically next to you, because, otherwise, it won't be possible for you to feel well. These moments are difficult because you assume your inability to be with yourself. In these situations, the other is missing and you want without realizing, to be affected by what is in you.

These circumstances lead to jealousy, which represents the inability to be alone, to be with your 'lack', with your anxiety, your old traumas, your own sufferance, and the other has the capacity to own it. In the absence of the owner, the sufferance occurs. Many of these situations produce a saturation effect on the relationship, as the partner won't have the ability to support a state of permanent presence, so he will leave, ending the relationship (at real or imaginary level).

I chose the term 'lack' because it is the one that responds to several situations - a lack of something - either a physical one (difference between genders), either the lack of a state originated in childhood, or a lack of relationships with parents, or a lack reflected in anxiety, with origins in the family history, or a lack marked by desire.

This makes the other -the couple partner- to be very different from any other social relation. You feel the need to fulfill that 'lack' by the presence of your partner. You think that after being with him, after succeeding to have a relationship, you won't feel deprived anymore. But this is not possible, because the 'lack' is felt by your partner and nothing will be the same as before, even if you feel now that it is possible.

The beginning of a relationship is based on the illusion that the lack will be satisfied. If you take each couple at the beginning of the relationship you'll notice this, a great investment in the other and the fact that this investment gives a hope: "from now on, this will never happen, everything will be different in my life", seem to say those two. But this implies that there are different states, feelings, desires that are not satisfied, that reflect these lacks. As more as the other's reality becomes more visible and the couple realizes different experiences for real, as more the illusion will disappear, being replaced by the couple itself.

It is said that a relationship based on interest is more durable than one of love. From this perspective, it seems that the couple leaves from the start without the illusion of the absence, and that their marriage is not based on the idea that the other can replace the 'lack'. In other words, there is a risk of disillusion, but, on the other hand, they will be deprived by the pleasure of illusion.

Couples who resist are those who will to support the deception of filling the lack. But the solution that really exists is the acceptance of their 'lack'. The therapeutic approach is one in which this lack is expressed by words, understood, taken as it is, whatever it is.

The ultimate truth about men and not only...

by Andra Picincu

Until now, I’ve written and written various articles about men. I’ve classified them, placing them by categories and I’ve created different stereotypes, in order to please each of you, men or women. But you know what? There is no universal truth!

There are no categories of men; there are neither angels nor neither daemons, neither good nor bad. Men are just people, just like us, women. We tend to believe that somewhere, somebody did a great list about all their attributes and mistakes, knowing much more than ordinary people do and that he hidden it deeply, into an old cave or into an ancient book. We want to believe it, because this gave us hope and makes us to have greater expectations and desires, in our search for the right man. We like to see a guy on the street and think: “He has green eyes. I read that men with green eyes are romantic, serious, but also day dreamers. Maybe he is not for me. I want a responsible, down to earth guy, to marry me and make some intellectual children like the couple next door.” We don’t say it loud, but we create a mental itinerary, establishing our destiny, as it would be written in the pages of a magazine. We build imaginary patterns of happiness and fulfillment and try to respect word by word the advice of a so called “love expert”, considering that he knows for sure the ultimate truth about men; that he could be one of those who found the ancient book of love.

Well, it’s not quite like this and you know it, I’m sure. Deep in your soul, you posses everything you need to know about men, but when it comes about romance and the perfect date, you just loose your self confidence, preferring to follow some stereotypical lines in order not to be wrong. But are you aware that 80% of women do the same as you? And that a man is forced to hear the same stories and phrases from almost every woman they meet?

Each imitates somehow the other. We see a beautiful women or a woman who has a successful marriage and ask her: “What’s your secret? How do you keep him interested in you?” And she answers: “Well, I tell him how much I love him 10 times a day, I cook for him, I know to recreate the first magical moments in our lives…” and so on. But maybe not all men like to hear 10 times a day “I love you.” Or maybe he doesn’t want you to cook for him, as he prefers to take you out to dinner. Maybe he doesn’t like so much the way you cook. Or maybe he prefers Italian or Chinese food, which you don’t know so well to prepare.

I will repeat myself. There is no universal truth about men, as they are so complex beings. Each man will be perceived differently by each woman who stays next to him. For example, a hilarious guy may seem amusing for a lady, but fool for another. What about the way in which we, women, should behave in the presence of a man? Did you ever though that men can be bored of “reading” the same lines taken from magazines on the lips of every woman? You hear everywhere that you should seem a little bit mysterious and cold, being dressed in a certain way….But maybe the man you’re seeing with, even if it is for the first time, will be more attracted by you if you’re honest, saying him the pure truth: “Excuse me, I have a lot of problems, so I can’t focus very well on our discussion, but I will try to do everything I can, because I’m interested to find out more.” You won’t look desperate; you will rather seem even more relaxed and natural. Maybe you are not so confident regarding the way in which you chosen your outfit.

The magazines will tell you to look always self confident and to keep your head up. But maybe, if you really don’t feel so good, it would be better to tell him: “I’m not sure about the way in which my clothes fit me. More than that, I’m not very comfortable also. These heels are killing me, but I wanted to look a little bit taller;” and to laugh after. Would it be wrong? He will appreciate your humor and the fact that you accept your defects and he will even compliment you.

There are no “10 Tips to seduce him” or “How to flirt with him in the right way”, there is only you and him. And the connection that can or can not be established between you. You can use as many “expert” techniques to make him be with you, but it will all be in vain if there isn’t that “quelque chose”/ “je ne sais quoi” between you. Each people, either it’s about a woman or a man, has a certain light that can be seen only by certain persons. Even if you are the most beautiful, intelligent and stunning woman in all matters, you could be nothing for a man, if that something special is missing. Of course, after making the first steps, the love must be maintained and cared. But this doesn’t involve all kind of tricks & tips; it all must come from the inside.

You should do whatever you feel. Maybe today all you want is to say him nice words of love. Maybe tomorrow you won’t feel so good and your words will sound forced; in this case, you don’t have to say anything, just be sincere and share some memories or whatever you able to say, with him.

And sometimes even the most unsuccessful dates aren’t the result of your actions, so nobody can be blamed. Without that chemistry, all the stereotypes in the world will be just some clich├ęs. The perfect woman or the perfect man is inside you, being part of you. And the loved one will know where to find it, offering in turn his best side.